This is a long one.
A few months ago, my childhood best friend told me that she’d like to come to visit. I said great, I’d love to have you. Soon, her daughter (2 years old and out of control) was also coming and her husband, who I struggle to get along with was also coming. She e-mailed me an itinerary of things around the state that they would like to see and then mentioned as a side note that she is also pregnant, so we’ll have to work around that. The trip lengthend from four days to two weeks. I told them that I was going to be out of town visiting my own husband for the last week of their trip, so I wouldn’t be able to go with them for that portion, so I won’t have her exceptionally difficult husband to deal with.
It’s August, we live in a desert and I am pregnant. She e-mailed an updated itinerary of activities that she would like to do. I x’d anything that involved out of town travel, since that’s such a stressful activity with her child and I’m pee-ing about every hour. I’m trying to encourage her to look for indoor activities for the afternoon and I’ve been warning her repeatedly that I take naps almost everyday. She seems totally non-plussed by this and keeps coming up with out-door and child centered activities. I don’t want to loan her the car because she has a very bad driving record and I feel as if this whole thing is out of control.
A perfect visit from my perspective would be a few days hanging out by our swimming pool when it’s warm, taking her daughter to the park in the morning before it gets hot and eating at some nice local restaurants after my mid-day nap. I understand if they want to take off sometimes and do things without me, but I don’t really want to loan them my car. Her driving record is bad enough that she doesn’t have her own car because her insurance costs were too high.
I think once you are bringing children on a vacation, or visiting someone who is pregnant, we can’t really use the same etiquitte as we did when we couch surfed in college but I don’t really know how to tell her how I feel.
I’m very stressed about her visit and am actually not looking forward to it because of all of her expectations. I feel as though I need to gain a little bit of control in this situation. How can I do this without ruining our friendship?
how to deal with a house guest you dont get along with
Wow! First, you are pregnant and do not need the stress. Your “friend” seems very needy. I honestly think her visit is not for you. She probably doesn’t want to pay for a hotel, rental ect… You have to tell her about the issues you have. You can’t say yes to everything. If she brings something new into it that you don’t agree with, tell her and stand firm. Don’t let her walk all over you.
And the fact that she would put you in an uncomfortable situation with her husband that you don’t get along with and in your own house, it shows she’s not a friend. She could have at least asked you if it was okay first. Or have you try to patch things up with her husband over the phone (if possible) before their visit. Now, it inevitable. Stand up for yourself honey. You don’t need the stress. I know it’s not easy, but you have to lay the ground rules before she comes.
I think you need to tell her politely and honestly about how you feel BEFORE she comes. Call her and say “Listen I’m really excited about you coming and I want you and your family to have a great time but I’m having a few hesistations about certain things. I think I would feel more comfortable if you rented a car when you arrive, it’s nothing personal I just don’t enjoy others driving my car. Also, as for some of your activities you have planned, I may not be able to join you every day even though I would like to. Don’t let me ruin your vacation but since I am pregnant, I do feel the need to rest quit frequently. I hope my hesistations about your trip won’t put a damper on our friendship because I do truley want you to enjoy yourself.”
Wow! How much do you value this “friend”? She is already being very self-absored and inconsiderate, this will only intensify when they show up. If you want to retain your sanity, you are going to need to be firm and put your foot down NOW!
Let her know what you feel your limitations are and ask her if she understands what you are saying. Make it crystal clear to her that your automobile will not be available for their use at all.
If you don’t firmly lay down some ground rules, this is going to be a major disaster for you, don’t let that happen. I would think long and hard about whether you want to cancel this get- together all together.
Chances are at the end of it, you will no longer want to be friends with her anyway. If it were me, I would cut my losses now. Good luck to you on this!
I would suggest that you be totally honest with her. Telling her that you would love for her to come visit some other time, but at present things are too stressful for you right now, being that you are pregnant also. If she takes it the wrong way, then I would say she’s not your friend. A friend would be more understanding.
Stop being a doormat and call off the visit altogether or you will suffer for it. She is thoughtless and a total idiot and could care less about your situation only about herself. If you do not grow a spine and tell her not to come, you will regret it. She will make your life a living hell and you will be more trapped than you are now. Just call her and tell her due to your condition you are unable to have her come after all, and tell her your doctor advised against it, way too much stress and inconvenience. Just having her brat and husband alone would warrant calling it off and obviously she refuses to accommodate you in any way. Save yourself and call her and tell her NO NO NO.
No one can take advantage of you without your permission…don’t give her permission.
If thats the way you feel, then pick up the phone and tell her not to come. If she asks why, just say you’re not up to it, and you think she should go to a hotel.
Some college relationships don’t last forever, and from what you’re saying, this is one of them, don’t worry about it!
You need to be upfront with her. Tell her that you are kind of upset because you originally thought this was going to be a bonding trip… and being pregnant… you can’t cater to a whole family in your home for two weeks. Also tell her that your insurance will not allow you to lend a driver on the plan drive your car. Then suggest some car rental places. Tell her your doctor wants you to limit your activity during this pregnancy. I’m sure being exposed to all this stress for a MONTH isn’t going for any woman’s pregnancy anyway. Your sister is imposing herself onto you. If anything, SHE is the one running the risk of ruining this friendship.