I have been with the same man for 10 years. He left me a few years back and we were back together (after divorce) about 6 months later. We have a wonderful four year old son. My dilema is not uncommon. I really feel like I do most everything around the house. I have a fairly stressful 50 hour a week job which requires a good deal of extra training. He works a full time job too, but I also do 90% of the housework, my car, my son’s recurring doctor appointment/prescriptions, shopping, all the bill paying for combined expenses, and plan every extra things we do. In addition, I buy all my son’s clothes, holiday gifts, class stuff, etc. We share our household expenses and he only has to pay his own boat payment, boat insurance, loans and life insurance. I feel used and like housework is my hobby. We go over it every weekend and I’m so tired of telling him and he’s tired of hearing it. I feel so stressed and have gained so much weight over the stress. I’m not sure what to do.
shopping services add comments notify home lighting comments are added housework is my hobbyDec 252011
Stop doing it all.
Let him step up to the plate.
it is hard trying to do it all. you probably could do better without him, but he is there for your son. you should try working part-time. do not stress yourself out.
Sounds like your marriage is a marriage of convenience for him!!!! Put him in a different room and tell him he can move back in the bedroom when he starts acting like your partner
start to say NO.
It sounds like your husband really takes advantage of you. Stop doing stuff and let him do some work.
whoa i hope i dont end up like that. right now i dont work but when i do i still have to clean. im cool right now just taking care of my daughter and doing everything because it is like my job , but when i get a job again i hope he helps. hmm… sucks you gained weight over it , thats not healthy.obviously yu have talked to him and he doesnt want to help so just do the best you can and dont overwork yourself, as long as your house is clean, messy doesnt matter.
The solution is simple….get cleaning service.
Each of you should make a list of everything you do that’s not strictly personal. Schedule a family conference. Divide up the jobs more evenly (and give your son some responsibilities, too!) Hire someone to help with housework if you can afford it. Another idea is to pair up with one or more girlfriends and get together to do housework. It makes it go faster and it can even be fun once you’re not doing it alone and resenting it.
It seems to be common that women get stuck doing a full day’s work and then all the home stuff, too, but it will never change if you don’t create the change. Good luck!
Just don’t do it.. he’ll get the idea
Why did you take him back when your not happy with the way he treats you.
If your only complaint is doing the house work get a maid or house cleaner whatever and get him to pay for it or at least half.
I think the problem is more then house work kick him out again.
I have been with the same man for 11 years… he works full time- I am a full time mom. He comes home and washes the dishes, because I only wash the dishes occasionally-when I absolutely feel like it for example or there’s no more space for more…. lol. Does this mean I do nothing else other than giving my full attention to my kids’ needs? No,…. because I do other things with pleasure- besides homeschooling our kids, I wash the laundry, keep the house neat, take care of our pets, cook for the kids etc…. he takes care of all the bills and cleans the front yard and backyard on the weekends.
Each family is different and no one should judge another for their choices and way of life, what counts is that it’s what works for each of us. Your family arrangement isn’t working for you? How did I get to make my husband understand that I’m not a slave? Whenever he forgets his share of work I do the following: I wash the the kids’ clothes and mine, but not his… wash our dishes, but not his….. I can go on and on, but you use your own tactics- just don’t talk about it anymore, because obviously what you nag about goes in one ear and comes right back out of the same ear again- without him understanding what it is you want him to do to change. Coax him into contributing to doing some household chores once he starts comprehending that he has to help….. don’t just ignore the little steps that he will take…. sweet talk him like you would a child> “Awesome! I’m glad you folded your clothes and you did it so nicely, next time fold our son’s clothes, too- I would really appreciate that.” (then give him a hug) Maybe you can even make a household chore chart, so you guys have a visual proof of who did what and when.
I wish you both and your son a better future. God bless.